New Xmas Album MRX

New Xmas Album MRX

So in the span of 20 years, or more, I think I’ve wrapped up some good ideas on how to deal with Mercury in apparent retrograde.

Portable Mercury Retrograde

Portable Mercury Retrograde

Besides the book, I mean, so after the last run for an Xmas album, and what with a holiday Mercury Retrograde period approaching, I thought about cherry picking just the Mercury in Retrograde bits that I liked.

New Xmas Album MRX


Aries: This week starts out with you actually willing to sit and listen to someone pour his or her heart out for a while. You have sympathy. You care. Your normal rash response is taken in a much different format as you display kindness and compassion. Then the week gets to you, and this kindly attitude goes away. But there, for one albeit brief and shining moment, we all thought that the Aries was a new a different person. Surprise, the old you is back by Friday. 5.6.1996

Aries: I just love it when the Moon starts the week in a Fire Sign, like it is right now, over there in Leo. Gives as nice, combustible edge to everything. And since you are a fire sign, too, this is a lucky little break. Sort of. Mars is going to be opposite you for the duration of the holiday season, and that’s not exactly a flattering position for it; however, there is a break coming. The pesky Mercury thing is about to go away, and that means relief, like a cool swig of Egg Nog, laced with some nice Nutmeg. There’s some extra spice in your week. 12.7.1998

Aries: To heck with it all, I’ve given up hope. And I’m sure you’re feeling the same way, just about all hope seems to be lost with this ongoing Venus situation. It might not actually be a particular Venus influence, but I’m pretty sure she’s going to throw you for a loop in some capacity. There is an advantage here, though, if you’re willing to jump on it. This little loop I’m referring to, it could be like one of those Roller Coaster Rides at the big amusement park Six Flags has a a new one, you know. And just like that ride, you’re going to want to prove that you’re brave enough to do it with your hands in the air. “Look Ma, no hands!” That comment is usually followed by a long, full volume scream. So if the planets do throw you onto this ride right now, remember that you’re merely trying to show how brave you are. The average duration of just such a ride is approximately four and one half minutes. It’s not like this has a long attention span, but given your situations, you might share that same four and one half minutes short attention span thing right now. 3.26.2001


Taurus: The good news is that you are especially sharp and incisive this week. On the other foot, waiting for the next shoe to fall, as it were, the rest of the world does not understand one bit of your wonderful insight right now. In other words, as smart as you are, you can not communicate what criticisms you have with out appearing like an overbearing blowhard fool. Best course of action? Keep those sharp and wonderful observations to yourself this week. The time will come, later, much later, when you will want to call upon these bits of knowledge. 1.15.1996

Taurus: Sometimes, the only constant in life is change. Regrettably, my dear Taurus friend, this change is a coming down the pike at you, and you’re going to feel like it isn’t of your own doing. That’s going to be a problem. Instead of being the Bull this week, you’re going to feel a lot like the Bull Rider. While this is a noble occupation, the results of getting bounced off the back of the bull are not always good. It’s not really the sailing through the air part, it’s that sudden stop when the Rodeo Arena dirt suddenly slams you in the face. It’s not always fun. Making it through this week is going to be a bit of a challenge, to use a small amount of typical Texas Understatement. It’s the sudden stop at the end which can cause the most damage, so be prepared. 5.24.1999

Taurus: We have a strange astrological condition which will feel like a strange meteorological condition to the fine Taurus weather we’re supposed to be having this week. There’s a straightforward hint from the planets as Mars exits Virgo (dirt sign) and get ready to enter airy Libra. Saturn is still at a very late degree of your sign, and the angle between Mars and Saturn is one that is supposed to be beneficial, especially if you’re willing to produce some hard work right now. Of course, there’s still Mercury doing a tailspin in the sign which is opposite from you, and that’s a source of recurring troubles. Maybe not big troubles because Mercury is such a small planet, but it’s still a signal that about certain communication skills you might lack this week. Between the three, I would suggest that you stick to business this week. As a fishing guide, my office is sometimes on a dock or in a boat, but I don’t think you have the same pleasure, not this week. It looks like it’s a room with four walls, maybe a cubicle, and it looks like you are being called forth to do some heroic amount of work — possibly something left over by some other lazy person. Tackle the task. Now, in keeping with the planets’ places, you might not actually see any immediate reward for this effort — except from your astrology buddy here — but you will reap some hefty praise, on down the road. Go that extra mile this week, but don’t expect to be noticed until the middle of the month. Got that? 10.30.2000


Gemini: We move from a good period of time into a less than wonderful period of time as work frustrations start to plague you. You will find that one of the Gemini’s 43 voices is being told to shut up. While this wouldn’t normally be a problem, there is an inherent frustration which can rise this week from that poor single voice being told to be quiet. The trick at a time like this is to maintain one’s sense of integrity and realize that the poor Gemini will be allowed to shine in the future. This week’s frustration will pass. 8.26.1996

Gemini: There is no good news for 80% of the Gemini’s out there. With this unfortunate, but inevitable planet thing, no one seems to understand a word you say. You feel like you are operating in a vacuum. And that’s not a pretty sight, because, in a vacuum, no one can hear you scream. Or, in the case of the Gemini, even talk. However, there is some relief coming soon enough because even before the week is over, you turn the tide on this whole retrograde thing. Maybe. Well, you’re supposed to, anyway. I’ve got it right here in one of my astrology texts, I know I do. Since I can’t find the reference, maybe you can. Make sure you take note of everything, so you can refer back to it later, when the planets fall back into place for you. 8.10.1998

Gemini: There is one blond haired, blue eyed Gemini with a precocious mouth, and this one Gemini claims that Mercury is really okay when it’s retrograde. This one Gemini seems to be an anomaly in life. Mercury’s evil backspin is going to take everything that is going on, and slam it into the ground. It’s what a catfish must feel like when it gets caught and drug ashore. Gasping for water, the huge gills pumping air and unable to breathe, the poor old feller has just met his match with the delicious catfish stink bait. Just like that catfish, Gemini needs to be careful about what seems so alluring. A little extra caution is useful this week. Just because someone runs something past you that is so tantalizing, it doesn’t mean that now’s a good time to take the bait. Be careful about what ideas are flaunted right now because ideas are a great bait for catching Gemini’s, and you don’t want to get hooked into going someplace where you don’t really belong, not this week. 6.19.2000


Cancer: Now that Mars, that old god of war, has left your sign, I’m going to try the subliminal advertising again (you want to buy me a bass boat). In the meantime, other than the usual stern warnings I have for Mercury RX, there isn’t too much in a bad way that is happening. And since you never listen to me talk about buying a boat for me, maybe this is the week to start shopping for a new car for yourself. The planets say “shop away!” They also say, “Don’t buy this week, but shop till you drop!” 9.15.1996

Cancer: Mars and Venus are conspiring to make you a little miserable this week. It’s not like the last Mercury Retrograde period didn’t affect you, it’s just that this Mars and Venus thing is going to set you a little on edge. Now, seeing as how you guys are lovingly referred to as “Moon Children,” maybe I should make some comment about the phase of the moon this week. It’s going to liven up your weekend. Maybe not in the way you think it should, but I’ll promise that the outcome from the weekend is going to be rather wonderful. 12.14.1998

Cancer: When Mercury is retrograde, that little voice in your head is going to keep playing that same message about your inadequacies. Personally, I’ve never found a Cancer to be inadequate in any way. I figure just about every Crustacean is above average. So you have a choice as you face this month, are you going to listen to an aerobics instructor in your head who is trying to kill you, or are you going to listen an astrologer who has nothing but your best interests in his heart? 3.2000

The Leo

Leo: You are getting incredibly restless right now, and all of this energy which is flowing through your veins feels like it has a lot to do with THE RELATIONSHIP. Your perfect mate, at least you feel this way, is upon you. Idyllic dreams of a permanent and lasting bond forever with visions of loveliness, dance in your head. The problem is that all of this is dancing in your head, it ain’t happening in the real world. Get over your silly self. Move on. It is a good time for relationships, but I would sincerely urge you to consider the word relationship to mean friendships and their ilk rather than the strictly romantic type. You feel the drive, just don’t drive over someone right now. 1.23.1996

Leo: I fear I will not be popular with Leo this week. But please don’t beat me, I don’t think I’ll enjoy the whips and chains this time. Mercury is working its way backwards through your sign right now. Now see here, and listen up good: this is a natural cycle in the normal chain of events. Nothing to get all worried about. But I kept telling you to plan ahead, and did you listen? If you had paid attention to me, you wouldn’t be in the big mess that find yourself in right now. Okay, enough browbeating. Get ready to be a lot more adaptable than usual this week. There are going to be a lot of little problems, nothing major, and you just need to be able to erase your schedule on a daily basis to adjust for the new changes. When “they” say “pencil us in,” I’d suggest a real pencil. 8.10.1998

Leo: Few people really understand the way your psyche works. It’s easy to fall back on the old, tried and true formula of suggesting that Leo’s are the best, but not everyone will agree with me right now. Matter of fact, few people will agree with either you, or me, right now. This is a problem. This is major problem, really. But you’re still the best, only, we’re going to pretend that that particular information is our little Mr. Mercury is Retrograde secret. This doesn’t make everything all better, but the more you keep to yourself, just do your job, and the less you try to convince some people that you are doing as good a job as you are doing, the better it gets. This is that “delayed gratification” process at work. Folks just don’t seem to be noticing you as much as you would like them to. Folks seem to be all over you, but not in a good way. Relax about this, would you? That worried look, that angry energy, none of that will do you any good. Just keep stamping out the license plates, just keep pushing the paper around, just keep doing whatever it is that you do best, and know, in your Leo heart, that I know you’re doing a good job. The rest of the world will catch up with us pretty soon. 5.23.2002


Virgo: If I were you, I would get ready for the “Mars backing into your sign” thing which is fast approaching. Mars is sometimes the Roman God of War, and sometimes, it just rules cars. In either case, though, you are going to feel like someone is backing an 18-Wheeler across your feet. I wouldn’t be too concerned: You really didn’t need those toes anyway. On other fronts, there is an unusual amount of mental energy to go with this lack of physical energy. Do something useful, take a nap. 2.3.1997

Virgo: There’s a nasty little battle between the two love planets right now, that would be Venus and Mars. However, this unsettling and unstable dance misses you. So much for the good news. Unless you are dealing with a work place full of Virgo-types, like my accountant does, you guys are stuck with us. And while your week is close to being wonderful, everybody else’s week is close to being bad. I can imagine you guys writing in and asking if Mercury is still retrograde. It’s not, but you are still stuck with dealing with us. Just smile and tell them all, “My Fishing Guide to the Stars Astrologer says to leave me alone if you’re not happy….” It is the holidays, and you’ve got the Spirit. 12.4.1998

Virgo: Most Mercurial Periods, that predictable time when Mercury makes everything unpredictable, most of those times really aren’t too bad. Details get missed, appointments run late — or early — and you know the rest of the funny tales I’ve got about this kind of time. As a good Virgo, you know about this ahead of time, and life is bearable, if not absolutely wonderful. By the time we get to the third week of such a Mercury Mess, then most of the rough stuff is usually over. Problem being, Mr. Mercury is trying to pull a quick one over on the Virgo section of the sky. It’s like this, next week, he’s going to drop into your sign for a brief visit. These days, I’m usually on pretty good terms with my local delivery drivers. One’s a cute Cancer and the other is a striking Sagittarius — both friendly, both nice, both know how to find me. They’ve stopped me, on occasion, on the street, to hand me an undelivered package that required my signature. This weekend is relatively calm for your inner Virgo self. Next week, though, your regular driver is off, and there’s this one package you’ve been waiting for, and since the regular drivers aren’t there, and the replacement doesn’t know to drop it at your trailer’s mailbox, and you can see how this is. What’s worse, with Mercury in his present state, you can wait all day, and the minute you go around the corner for a coke, that darned replacement driver shows up. 9.26.2002


Libra: Poor old Libra, always the stalwart in the face of adversity! Well, things are looking up. So I hope. Maybe. Just a little. There are those annoying loose ends which need to be tied up this week, and the romance department needs a little attention. But other than that, things ought to be pretty good. Really. Well, sort of. I dislike sounding like I’m hedging a little, but after the last round of email from Libra’s, I’m hesitant to say anything definitive. Sort of. 4.29.1996

Libra: By the end of the week, the good news is pretty simple because the worst of the nasty little Mercury retrograde is over for you. But that means that’s there’s a concomitant part coming — as the sun gently eases into the Sign of the Ram, the equinox and all, it’s time for a little decision making process, you know, tough calls about what does and doesn’t work right now. Look at the old boat, time for a new one? Now, as long as Mercury is still backwards, maybe it isn’t a good time to make out a check for a new bass master craft, but it is good time to go shopping. Other decisions? Maybe it’s around the garage, time to get caught up on your payments to the Tool guy. 3.15.1999

Libra: Don’t be leaving your wits behind you, as the opening quote suggests about a particular tragic character from a usually happy play suggests. You’re going to want all your wits with you because nothing is more important right now. You’re getting a bit of re-education at this point. I know that you know the material, but there’s still something which you’ve learned and forgotten, and you might want to consult the text book before you jump off and pontificate at length about some topic. Perhaps this is a topic where you used to have a lot knowledge. Unfortunately, in these every changing times, last week’s information is now sadly out-of-date. Consider consulting the reference manual. Better yet, since so much information is always available on the web, consider surfing over to a site which has the latest, greatest — and most up to the minute — content available. Of course, that’s probably not my site, but you get the idea. There’s one other point to consider, too, just about anybody can run a web page up, claim a spot in the world wide web, and become a self-proclaimed expert. Before you put all your Libra trust in just such a person, put on a cynical sneer and check out that claimant’s credentials. A little extra background search, a little digging, a little extra time spent trying to verify facts is rather useful. This is not a time to bet the farm on one expert’s opinion. 6.25.2001


Scorpio: Despite what all the other world class astrologers are going to tell you, I will beg to differ. And as often as I’m accused of picking on Scorpio’s, I’ll tell you how good this week is going to be. The deal is this: the Sun hits Saturn, Mercury is retrograde, and Mars moves into opposition to you sign. Sounds pretty bad? But being a good Scorpio, you can put out that Saturn/Sun fire with your water, Mercury is too small to be bothered with this week, and Mars will only serve to strengthen your will. You’ve got the power this week, just tread lightly on the rest of us poor signs, so we don’t get hurt in the fracas. You’ll win, but you knew that already. 4.13.1998

Scorpio: Halfway through the week, Scorpio’s Sun and the Mercury (apparent) trajectory get confused. While this normally leaves a higher than usual degree of confusion, in your Scorpio “mind of minds,” you’re going to get a little break. It’s not a big step forward, not yet, but at least you feel like you’ve stopped the bleeding. It’s like one of those puncture wounds from a large fishing hook, the kind of poke that keeps bleeding even though it’s not serious. But just as you think you’ve hit a vein or something, come on, it’s only a flesh wound, in the middle of the week, the bleeding starts to stop. Like the blood from the wound, the ideas begin to flow from your brain. The only problem we still have is that Mercury is still in a bad way, and this presents a challenge. In other words, you might have the “right stuff” but getting your ideas across to the rest of us might prove to be challenging. 11.15.1999

Scorpio: I haven’t done this in many long years, having learned from the error of my ways, but here’s the scenario, I was seeing this one girl from one part of Dallas, and then there was this other girl, from a completely different part of town, one was a north suburb the other was a more easterly direction of suburban sprawl, and never the twain shall meet. So much for the best laid plans. Turns out those two girls put their collective girl brains together, compared a few notes, checked a few dates in their datebooks, and I was out of luck. Caught in my own web of, well, let’s be honest, I never did actually lie to them. But to suggest that I did engender a bit of misinformation from time to time, by simply omitting a few facts, like there was more than one girl I was seeing, yeah, you get the picture. Don’t try this, and especially not right now. Please. You can fool some of the people some of the time, and you can fool all the people most of the time, being a good Scorpio and everything, but with the planets stacked up this way, I heartily, heartfelt, and from a lonely guy’s perspective — really don’t recommend you trying anything but the whole truth, not one of my previously alluded to edited versions. Won’t work. You’ll get caught. A Scorpio caught in their own web of deceit is truly ugly sight. And those two girls? Might be why I live like a monk these days. 6.25.2001


Sagittarius : Here at FGS World Headquarters, we have been able to determine that this is the exact week that you should embark on your new advanced scientific search for life on other planets. Maybe other worlds. In other words, this is a good week to get out the model rocket kit, fashion up a new toy or two, and blast away with the best of the rocket scientists. You are heading for a major break-through if you don’t have a major break-down. 1.13.1997

Sagittarius: I know how good you are feeling this week. Believe me, I know. Regrettably, Mercury is back stroking in our sign right now, and that’s going to create a little havoc. Travel plans for the holiday are likely to get screwed up. Doesn’t mean that there won’t be much rejoicing as old friends get back together, it just means that you need to allow a little extra time for the lines at the airport. I can see that parking is going to be a problem for you. My suggestion? Take a cab. Of course, I’d hope that you would give yourself enough time to allow for the snarled traffic, too. 11.23.1998

Sagittarius: We get this weird weather pattern around here, one day it’s a balmy 70 degrees, and then, that night, a cold front blows in from the frozen north (the frozen north is defined as “anything north of the Red River”,) and the temperatures plummet, there’s a hint that there might be ice out, and I have to wear long pant. There’s a 20 degree drop in temperatures, and it’s not a pretty sight. The formerly distant cat becomes a real snuggle partner, seeking my warmth for her comfort. Now, we’re not due for any weather like this for another couple of weeks, but you’re going to feel like your Sagittarius social life has already experienced just such an event. When I was growing up, it was called a “Blue Norther,” and I’m not astute enough to come up with the root source of the expression. But a Blue Norther has just wafted into the Sagittarius social life. Worry about it? One of my friends observed that what was punishment for some, was a pleasure for me. “Go to your room and read book.” Sure, that’s what I’ll do. If I can’t have a social life right now, or if our Sagittarius social life looks like an Arctic wasteland, why not do something useful? Find that solitary endeavor and enjoy it. 10.17.2002


Capricorn: Getting out of last week’s mess? Time for activity! Road trip! Drive, she said. Get away. While running away from a problem usually doesn’t solve it, it will in this case. Saddle up your favorite horse and see the rest of the ranch. Better yet, toss some fishing gear in the boat and head out to your favorite fishing hole. You’ll find solace in escapist behavior this week. 8.18.1997

Capricorn: You’ve got gang – related problems. Before you freak out and think that I’m talking about some inner-city youth problem, let me explain: we all have a gang, a gang of friends, a loose association of cohorts, and this group of amigos with whom we have close, brotherly-sisterly love is going to begin to be recalcitrant. It’s not you, it’s them. Perhaps this is a time to start thinking about that “Lone Ranger” archetype. Yes, just you, but you’ll find that even your trusted companion seems to be a bit distant, and your horse is acting a little strange this week. 4.5.1999

Capricorn: You get off to rousing good start this week. But…. “The best laid plans of mice and men/gang oft a gley/and lea’ us naught but grief and pain/ for promised joy.” (Bobby Burns wrote that ditty, and it fits, too.) Be a little more careful with what you expect out of folks this week. There’s some high hopes in the Capricorn camp, but those high hopes are like counting the money for the big bass tournament before you ever get off on the trip. And that’s not something you can do this week. You’ll find that the concept is good, but the implementation might be a little lacking. Therein is the problem for this week. Great ideas, good attitude, but not quite enough of you to make sure that everything is done correctly. That leads to a degree of frustration. I know you’re planning on winning, but don’t count the money until you have it in your hands. 6.19.2000


Aquarius: Despite the obnoxious movements of some planets (that would be Mercury), there is hope for the mighty Aquarius. You have a chance to do good this week. It comes in the form of Venus, which makes herself very much at home in your sign. This brings joy to an otherwise Dickens-like existence. Cheer up. Things are improving with Venus because Mars is right behind… 12.8.1997

Aquarius: At this point, I’m out of words. Men typically have a vocabulary of 2,000 words whereas women have 4 to 6K words in their everyday lexicon. By about 2:00 PM, I’ve used all my words, but my former girlfriends would still be working on their vocabulary. And it doesn’t matter what gender you are, this week, you’re going to feel like I do at 2:00 PM and say, “I’m out of words.” You just don’t have a lot left to say. You’ve exhausted your vocabulary. Look on the upside here, quiet time is an asset when you’re fishing. 4.5.1999

Aquarius: There’s a strange little Venus and Mercury rendezvous early in the week. Two little planets that make you want to reach and touch someone. Being an Aquarius, this touch might not be exactly what it is that you’re looking for, except, perhaps, on a metaphorical level. Pick up the phone, grab the keyboard, do what it is that you do best, and make an effort to wrap up the final bits and pieces of the Mercury going backwards thing. Get it out of the way. There is a prurient interest that you have, and I know that’s not a typical Aquarius reaction, but this little love interest of yours is kicking your mind into a frenzy. Do something to satisfy that tickle in the back of your mind. And what satisfies best? In some cases, just a little giggle is all it takes. 3.13.2000


Pisces : The “less than blissful” relationship thing that has been going on, and probably interfered with some of your holiday merry making has taken a turn for the better. Now, the way I see them stars, it could either be a new boat, a new fishing partner, or just a new battery for the trolling motor, but I’ll say the odds are pretty good that it will be one of those three, and that the new item will certainly be a much better replacement part for the one that’s gone away. Happy now? 12.30.1996

Pisces: With an errant and retrograde Mercury, what comes to mind, more than anything else for this week, it’s the fact that Mercury is a clever planet, and he is going to to try some clever stunts with you. These stunts, however, might not be in your best interest. I’m just trying to be fair, and warn you. Careful with the ideas for attracting attention this week. There’s nothing more sad than an epitaph that reads something along the lines of, “His last words were ‘Bubba, watch THIS!'” I sure hope you get the idea. 3.22.1999

Pisces: I desperately want to toss out a good scope for Pisces. I have a hunger in my soul to offer some sort of words that are uplifting — but (I know you hate me when I throw that word in there) — but there’s a little problem. It’s not really Pisces who have the problem, it’s just you keep running into little obstacles. Not big, insurmountable obstacles, just little problems. Individually, this little challenges wouldn’t be a big deal. Taken one at a time, these would all make amusing anecdotes about how everything is going wrong, you know, about the time the you locked your keys in the truck? Called a locksmith, then discovered the vent window on the passenger side was open, and you could snake your arm in there, and unlock the door? Get the picture? If there was just one problem like this, we’d all have laugh and get on with the rest of the stuff at hand. But (there’s that word again) it just seems like there’s one problem after another. Like, getting your arm stuck in that vent window — not that I have any experience with this on an old truck myself — but the problems all seem to compound themselves. If you can laugh it all off, you’ll be better off. Then maybe you can give me a hand with this truck door…. 7.23.2001

New Xmas Album MRX

Mercury Retrograde Ritual


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