Xmas Album Draft

Xmas Album Draft

“Weird happened on the way, reaching for the stars.”

There is a Shakespeare quote that goes with each entry and a scattered sense to this, as well, as it was all clipped from various portions of the archive.

Xmas Album Draft

The first idea was an Xmas album, some kind greatest hits version, but as I’ve asked, begged, and pleaded for readers to pick their favorite horoscopes, I’ve yet to be answered.



What I did was meander through the archives, looking at some of the older entries, and wondering which one was better, which one was the best, and which ones might be also-rans, rather than good. As this fishing project started to yield some harvest, I thought about trying to get one from each of the various decades, for each of the signs. Not always the best, but means there are 36 entries, this far, maybe not the best representation, but one that I’m more — or less — satisfied with. Kind of random collection, but I was trying to steer away from certain instances.



There’s a certain fondness I hold for Aries, in part, borne from experience, and in part, from observation.


Aries: There are good days and then there are days when you should have stayed in bed. This week has no days that you should have stayed in bed. To be sure, I’ll get a note or two from one particular Aries suggesting that I have it all wrong, but the rest of you have it all right. As one singer once sang, “It’s a full moon in the western sky….” This lunar phase is going to bring some good times with it. Since we’re in October, we might as well call it a harvest moon. There’s more than Old Farmer’s lore to that name, especially this week. Wrap up something you’ve been working, a big project. For me, I keep promising to put the motor to that old truck back together, and using the Aries in my chart, it could just happen this week. Link


Aries: High school football in Texas is the stuff of legends. Made into an epic novel. Made into an epic film. Got perverted and made into TV. Talk about drama, huh. The T-shirt I saw, local high school football team? “God. Country. Mojo. (name of the high school).” I’m not sure if I’m appalled or amused. Maybe both. Really, I think it’s a decent slogan. Imparts power. Invokes higher-ups. Has a touch of magic about it. I have not one clue if they were the Double A, Triple A, whatever classification and taxonomy, the whatever champions, winners, or just an also-ran. Doesn’t much matter, not to me, as I’ll nod and act interested, but local high school football, with rivalries, feuds, wins and losses, doesn’t much matter to me. What I liked best was that T-shirt. I could use something like that. “God. County. Mojo. Astrofish.net.” Doubt I’ll ever implement that one. I’d tend to make “gods” rather than a single name, and that’s my world-view. The other three lines, besides my URL? That’s what I’m seeing for Aries. “God. County. Mojo.” Make it happen as you have, as long as you order your priorities, you have what it takes. Link


Aries: I was at a (new age) business-type of meeting. Three of us were invited to speak about a topic for 20 minutes each. Sort of a mini-seminar. I’m pretty good at this, having taught, coached, and written about astrology for the last few years. I can wing it just fine. The problem being, and this is also an Aries problem, I get long-winded, like, I was about hip-deep in my topic and there were only three minutes left in my slot. The person at the head of the table held up her hand. A minute later, she made a “Let’s wrap this up” motion, and that’s when I made a beeline drive to the resounding conclusion. I finished with a minute to spare, but I’ve been doing this for some time. I thought of this example, primarily, because the lady running the show was Aries, but then, too, there’s that “Let’s wrap bit up” motion. The hand in the air, a silent but poignant direction that time is nigh. Me, to you, the Aries? “Wrap it up.” Shorter. More concise. Straight to the point. No messing around. We got three minutes. No, less than that. Wrap it up. Link


Always joke about being pursued by a Taurus, those were the days.


Taurus: The good news is that it’s your birthday, but the downside of the beginning of Taurus is that good old Mercury starts his hermetically sealed backslide in Taurus right now. Yes, it’s the dreaded Mercury Retrograde time again, and a few of you Taurus folks are going to complain and ask, “didn’t this happen last year?” All I can say is, “Yes.” Apparently, there is a an odd stellar god who wants all Tauruses to learn something about communication and now is the chance. Link


Taurus: I developed a technique for working that seems to serve me well. I’ll pass it onto you. It’s all about the part of the job that I love? The fishing part? Standing on the edge of the river, casting one type of bait after another into “my personal lake?” Yeah, that’s the part that’s fun. Tough job, but someone’s got to do it. Lucky me. The hard part? Getting done with the administrative tasks that support my fishing, like setting my butt in chair long enough to finish this week’s horoscopes, overseeing the guys in the back room who do all the website’s management, and I personally handle all the incoming orders because, frankly, I don’t trust anyone else with birth data. Just easier. So that’s the work. I set an arbitrary goal, like finishing up the column, and then I can go and fish. Works quite well, except that sometimes, I get a little distracted, or I’m not at a stopping point, and the sun is just in the right position to cast a good shadow onto the lake, perfect for one of my favorite fishing spots, and…. Don’t get distracted with perfect shadows, the most correct time, the right moon sign, or anything like that. Stick to the original plan, and finishing what you started. Administrative tasks can be dull. Someone’s go to do it. Link


Taurus: Short shorts and fuzzy boots. Neither was really appropriate. No, really, I saw this the other day at the mall. Girl — woman — had on short shorts. Maybe not the best fashion choice for her body type. I silently applaud the idea that she is confident enough to wear such revealing attire; however, I just wished she’d covered up more of the exposed flesh. Which goes with the fuzzy, furry boots. Again, a fashion item that has merit, only, on a day in Texas when I’m wearing cargo shorts and sandals? The furry, fuzzy boots might not be the best idea. The short shorts — I’m sure — kept her thighs cool, but the boots? While stylish in Alaska? Might not be the best bet here. Again, I could be deemed judgmental. It’s not like I have a lot of wiggle room myself in either department, the body shape or the style decisions. Nevertheless, as we’re going into the Xmas day and its associated fallout? Mars and so forth? Think about those fashion choices. Maybe give it a second thought. Link


To this day, Gemini continue to confuse, confound, and amaze me. Sometimes, at the same time.


Gemini: Ever feel like you’ve got burr under your saddle? How about a piece of pea gravel in your sock? How about SEVERAL pieces of annoying pea gravel in your sock? That’s what this week is like for you. Several annoying events just sort of work themselves under your skin, and, if you are not too careful, these annoying little events will get to you. Now, I’ve warned you about the minor annoyances, so what are YOU going to do about it? Link


Gemini: When I was much, much younger, I was very interested in fly-fishing. Quite the sport. It’s both old-fashioned and yet, modern, too. The problem is, for me, fly-fishing takes lots of work for little fish. Now, it’s true, on spring-like summer day, in the Rocky Mountains, with a full stringer of small fish, the task feels rewarding. But I would have to spend many long nights tying flies, getting gear together, making travel arrangements, doing all kinds of hard work, just to get a few days alongside a mountain stream. Then there’s fishing itself, fighting mosquitoes, battling branches along the mountain stream, sure seems like a lot of hard work for just a few paltry fish. Not having that ability although some folks think I do of being able to feed hordes of people with just a few fish, the effort doesn’t match up with the rewards. Not when I can stop by a sporting good store and buy a handful of lures or some plastic worms, jump in a bass boat and be fishing all day for ornery bass and the occasional perch. Much less effort, much greater return, in my opinion. I’m sure if I lived close to some mountains, it would be a different story, then bass fishing would be too much work, and fly fishing would make perfect sense. Look at where you’re at. Should you be spending all your time trying to do something that doesn’t work in your environment that well? Or is this a similar way to occupy your time that has a much greater reward? Link


Gemini: Dig into the heart of the matter. Try something, that for Gemini, will be quite uncharacteristic: dig into one topic. Dig into one issue. Grasp and grapple with one, a single, just one, question. Issue, matter, item, action, one. Just one. I know, Gemini sign of the twins, two of everything, always better than one, and so on. Yes, I know, which, if you know me, is one of the reasons I adore my Gemini friends so much. Yes, all true, But this week? Dig in on one item. One issue. One thing. Not even “One thing at a time,” no, just one. A single issue requires your attention. Pay attrition to that one item. This is a function of Mercury making you curious about motivations, and then, combined with Saturn and the Sagittarius Sun? Focus on one. Just one. No more. There’s a singleness of purpose that arises from this kind of planetary arrangement, and as the usually airy Gemini? This kind of alignment suggests a singleness of purpose. Stick to one goal. One task, one job, just one item. There’s a reward in this, like, getting that one onerous task completed and put behind you, once and for all. In order to win this week? Stick to one one task. Link


Over the years, I’ve mellowed, and come to appreciate the more delicate nature of the Moon Children; hopefully, that is echoed in my future works.


Cancer: What a marvelous week you’re going to have. If you didn’t win a fishing contest last week, then you are bound to win SOMETHING this week. Long overdue, too. I hope you are feeling much better about things these days. Speaking of winning a prize or a contest, did you get the results back from the doctor? I sure hope that wasn’t what you were going to win…. Link


Cancer: I walked into a familiar coffee shop, and in the back area, by the bar, cables snaked around to bright lights. A camera person was running a large camera. The interior of the shop was lit up in a way, well, it was probably brighter than it had ever been. My first clue should’ve been the tractor-trailer and the little generator running, alongside it, parked on the street outside. I can miss obvious clues. It was either a film shoot, a commercial being shot, or, judging by the truck’s and support personnel, maybe an independent film with a decent budget. One of those. I was no mood to be famous, or almost famous, or included as an extra in the film. When I saw the interior all lit up, I glanced at the familiar barista, nodded hello, and I was about to ask, but a guy with a clipboard moved towards me. I’ve been around enough movies to know that it was a release, and I’m not willing to be an extra. Use me? Then pay me. “Check with my agent,” is my standard line. As if I really had one, but it spooks the help, usually. I just backed away, and I’ll never know what they were shooting. My fault for missing the first, kind of an obvious one, clue. Support trailers all look the same. My second mistake was going in the door of the place. My first correct action, number three on the list of things I did? I backed out, and went someplace else. It’s not like there’s a lack of coffee shops willing to serve me, no, not a problem. While this was a minor disruption in my routine, I’m sure it was a bigger deal to the staff. Maybe they got paid for being extras. But this isn’t about them, it’s about me. It’s also about my reaction to a certain situation. I’d like to suggest, when faced with two obvious clues, the power lines, the trailer and generator, maybe, you don’t do like me, and follow it in, anyway. Link


Cancer: Question came up, “Why do modern toasters have a setting that will burn the snot out of your bread? Not toasted, burnt, maybe even cause a fire. Why?” Questions, rather than answers, for the modern world? It’s about “Free Will,” and in an oblique musical reference, “Freedom of Choice.” Not sure the last note carries, as it is a bit obtuse, possibly dated. Back to the original question, though, why can a modern toaster cause permanent damage to its toast? It’s about that free will we’re all gifted with, and we get to choose, like life, we get to choose which setting we’re going to use. Mars, Pluto/Saturn and the Moon? Each one pushes the Cancer’s buttons to “high,” or “dark,” or whatever is over the top for the personal toaster device. There is always freedom of choice, and the easiest way to understand this is to set that toaster — or whatever — to about half. Medium. On a scale of one to ten? Five. Right in the middle. Try that, first. Cranking it over to “High,” or dry, or whatever the setting is on the the — whatever — it is? Shooting off the max, right at the start? Liable to burn the toast, or whatever is being toasted. Link


Some years back I started just using the term, The Leo, and 11 other signs have complained. Still, it sticks, and I have certain reverse and awe for the best Fixed Fire Sign of them all, The Leo.


Leo: it’s a thin sliver a of a moon which affects you right now, and I would endeavor to act cautiously while moving around under this Mercury thing in Libra thing. Sort of thing. The weeks starts out with emotions at an all-time high, quickly moving to the all time low point. The Fall Equinox is a good place for you to begin getting ready for the winter party season. Link


Leo: A Texas fishing license usually runs from August to August. Now think about this, I’m taking somebody out fishing on the last weekend that the old license is good, costs about two dollars, and it’s only going to be good for one more weekend. Here’s the deal: failure to have that little piece of paper results in a fine of over 200 dollars. Now the way the luck is running, do you want to gamble saving the two dollars, just so you can get a new license in another couple of weeks, a license that’s good for a whole year? Knowing this, don’t you think a game warden or two would be out there, picking up some extra dollars? Let’s take our little projections one step further. You follow my advice and score yourself a license. We’re at the lake. There are no guys from the “fish and game” department. It’s the middle of the summer, it’s hot, there’s not a lot of big fish, either. You’re thinking that you just wasted the price of an almost out-of-date license. But if you didn’t have one, knowing the way the luck’s been running lately, do you really want to make a bet that you won’t wind up with an expensive fine? Play it safe, stack the odds in your favor. Say “Hello,” to Jupiter in Leo. Link


The (mighty) Leo: While still the mightiest of the fire signs, Leo is a “fixed” sign. The caution as this week unfolds and rolls through the weekend and then, again, repeats into a next week? The biggest caution is about being stubborn. There are ways to get what you want and then, there are ways to just piss everyone off. While that second scenario does have merits, not like I can’t take credit myself, it doesn’t work. Not with the times being what they are. I kept seeing my Leo fishing buddy, he’d bait the hook, he was using a lure, and he would give it a spin. The fish were “boiling up” in this one spot. Nothing for him. He would refuse to change bait, though, and he would keep thrashing and whipping the water, and the fish were NOT biting. “But it’s a good lure, it worked before!” Fish are finicky, and what worked before might have to be changed. I didn’t ask The Leo to change anything but a lure. Just different bait. Willingness to try something new goes a long way to making this a much better time for your majesty. Link


Just one rejoinder for this, “Ever date a Virgo?” I would think that covers the subject adequately.


Virgo: The last time I saw an influence like this in the Virgo chart, I wrote eloquently about love. At least, it was as eloquent as an astrologer can be. And there were a number of Virgo’s who complained bitterly about the forecast. It wasn’t the eloquence that bothered them, it was the fact that there was nothing on the horizon that remotely resembled romance, much less love. So I won’t write nice things and we’ll just see what happens. But be forewarned about a such a forecast at time like this, conventional astrological lore suggests that this is not a good time to initiate a new romance. I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if an old flame flared up at this time. Link


Virgo: The Virgo birthdays are all but over, but Mars is still “cooking with gas” in your sign. Good? Sort of. Depends on what you do with all the energy you’ve got. Mars is funny that way — he gives the juice to you, he gives the energy, he gives the get up and go, but he also makes it rather frenetic. Frantic – like. In a previous scope, I mentioned a fishing trip. I wrote about the way I kept changing lures and bait, trying to find that magic combination. According to personal myth, I should be able to cast the line just once, and reel in a big fish on that first toss. Doesn’t work that way in the real world, though (telling the truth here). So you’re like me, stuck there, trying all kinds of improbable combinations of stuff. Nothing seems to work on the first cast. The deal is, with Mr. Mars, you can change stuff easily, quickly, and without too much fuss. I’ve seen this one kind of bait, can’t say that I endorse it, but the stuff is supposed to work pretty good: bacon rind and garlic. It’s supposed to get the really big fish. If other things don’t seem to be working, try that venerable combination. Mars suggests you will get lucky before too long, you just have to hit the parts at the right time. Link


Virgo: There’s this one Virgo, and between Mercury’s pattern and Saturn, the two line up now, there’s this one Virgo who needs to hear this. Or read it, really. When I’m tying a lure onto a my fishing pole, when I’m attaching a piece of fishing hardware — usually ends in a myriad of hooks — I’ve learned to leave a small amount of fishing line as “extra.” This tail end stuff? What happens? With monofilament line, as the line itself is stretched by a big fish? That tiny little bit of fishing line — the tail end — gets sucked back towards the knot. It’s little bit of slack in a supposedly steady-state environment. As it turns out, the knot isn’t so much a fixed object as it’s a moveable one. More fluid dynamics and less physics, although, there is an element of both when a big fish hits the end of the line. So if you tie a knot, or make a similar “steady-state” arrangement? Leave a little slack in the process, just, like, you know, in case. Link


Yeah, the balanced one. Simply put? Libra seeks balance. (Your mileage may vary, &c.)


Libra : If you remember one of the longest running cartoon of all time, “Scooby-Doo,” then you remember some of the cartoon expressions used, words like “yikes.” That’s what this week looks like for you. You’re all tooled up to make sweeping changes, but you’re going to spend the better part of the week dealing with old problems, rather than getting the new stuff done. Check you equipment before you start out for the lake. Nothing is worse than getting halfway to a good spot to fish, and finding out that someone didn’t make sure there was enough gas to get there. Much less enough gas to get home. Nothing is worse than being stuck halfway there with no fuel and no oars. Link


Libra: I was proof reading next week’s scope. Right, I know, I should’ve been working on this week’s scope, but I was trying to get on top of some of the chores associated with writing a weekly message. I corrected one passage, and after I read the corrected passage, I switched it back to what I’d written before. Then I changed it again, because I was sure that I was breaking a grammar and usage rule. Not that breaking usage rules ever really bothered me, but I was trying to hammer the words together in such a fashion so there was flow, you know? It’s that constant indecision about grammar. What’s right, and what not right, but sure looks good? Or sounds good, even though, it might not be, technically speaking, absolutely correct? If you play fast and loose with language rules — or any other rules — you’re going to get caught. There’s always a Virgo-type personality who will call your Libra self out for breaking some rule. Especially now. But if you adhere to the strictest, most stringent rules, like grammar and punctuation? Then that personality might snarl, or, at the very least grimace, but your Libra self doesn’t get in trouble. Fast and loose is fine by me, but I’m not noted for proofreading ability. Link


Libra: Bizarre timing and weirdness abounds. It’s like the Halloween Holiday arrives a week early, right? There’s going to be totally strange and weird set of circumstances that makes most of the Libra Life go upside down, starting this week. However, unlike that character in Shakespeare’s play, you know, the one there’s a superstitious curse about? Anyway, the while words fail, I doubt that a real sword is the answer. I don’t doubt that you’re going to run into a situation where your Libra self wishes you had a sword, a real, perhaps a decent Claymore, the Scottish two-handed mean, meaty, cutting machine. Swinging it overhead and then around to cut your opponents off at the knees, sure, that’s the idea. Won’t work. Have to use words, this week, as we all close out Libra and welcome Mercury in apparent retrograde. Link


One word: fatal attraction.


Scorpio: Choices, you always have choices. And that’s one of the problems facing you right now. Is the glass half empty or is the glass half full? To the average Scorpio — wait, no Scorpio is ever average — but to the median Sun Sign Scorpio, that glass is going to appear to be nearly empty with no hope of ever seeing it filled it up. Remember the concept that you’ve got choices, and think to your Scorpio self, “Self, there is some fluid in the glass, it looks like a delicious beverage I was just enjoying, and….” Then I suggest you drain the glass thereby ending a lengthy philosophical discussion about whether it’s half empty or half full. You just drank it all. It’s empty now. Rather than wait around and talk about it, just do something. You may not always make the right choice, but I’ll promise, for a change, you get to have the final say in the given situation. Link


Scorpio: Predictably, we were headed someplace to fish. I was riding, not driving, so I offered to pay for some gas. We pulled into — this place should be an archetype — an older gas station that doubled as a coffee shop and grocery store, beer stop and maybe some live worms for bait. The structure is an aged gas station, but the bays were used for the grocery and fry cook. As we climbed back into the truck, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye, and my fishing buddy, not named Bubba, he sighed. I chuckled, but I didn’t have a camera ready so I missed the shot. There was a rooster, pecking at dirt, around the side of the building. Not in a yard or anything, just loose on the gravel. I’m of the opinion that this just doesn’t happen in other parts of the country, or even in most third-world countries. Yard birds, right there, pecking in the gravel. Rooster, to be sure. Maybe this isn’t a big revelation. Or maybe, there’s a point in here that needs to be made. It’s about stuff like roosters in the yard. Mercury may indeed, be backwards, but that’s not going to stop the weird observations. Make note, make note, but don’t be too obvious. My buddy, gunned the engine, and we were back on the highway. Link


Scorpio: Take a breath. Pick a new direction. Don’t look over your shoulder. Three simple suggestions, three simple steps, three simple concepts that can be turned into actions. The trick is to keep motoring forward. Momentum, in Scorpio has been lacking, as of late. Can’t fix that. Can’t fix that you don’t feel like doing anything but bemoaning your fate and looking backwards. Can’t fix any of that. What I can do? Three simple suggestions. Breath, like pause long enough to catch your breath without telling me how wrong I am, as I don’t understand. Because I do understand. Breath. Now, let’s tick off a few options, about new directions, a change of pace, a slightly modified goal. Got that one? Finally, there’s the issue of not looking over your shoulder. I’m serious about that. No looking back. You get stuck, like the good Scorpio that you are, looking over your shoulder and, you miss a brilliant opportunity with the material that’s up front. Take a breath, pick a new direction, and don’t look back. Link


Ruled by Jupiter, a gas giant. Coincidence? (cf., KramerWetzel.com &c.)


Sagittarius: Insight abounds this week, and what you can do is take all of that information on your own inner self that collected over the last few weeks, and tell the world. Of course, unless you are part of the miasma that calls itself the World Wide Web, maybe not a lot of people are going to hear you. But it’s worth a try. Remember that you are attempting to share cosmic truths. Just remember that your fishing partner, Bubba, might be some what disinclined to hear about the greater verities of life, and more interested in what bait works this weekend. Try some bacon bait this weekend. Keep Bubba happy. Link


Sagittarius: I was looking at the Sagittarius astrology chart, and I got to thinking about this and that, and then I got to thinking about the cute little girl who works at the corner convenience store, a regular stopping place for me. Then I got to thinking about the big, tall, over-sized cup of ice and a carbonated beverage therein, and finally, after perusing our charts, I figured it wouldn’t be bad time to purchase a lottery ticket. A couple of days later, I got around to checking those lucky lottery numbers. No luck. The interesting point, though, was how close those numbers were. I was so close to a winning combination, with five of the six numbers off by one digit, or in one case, the numbers were reversed, I had a “13” on my ticket but the winning combo included “31”. Two ways to see this sort of combinations of digits, and two ways to see this sort of combination of planets: either you’re loser–like me–or you’re very, very close. Again, just like me. You can look at the next few days just like that. This weekend, especially, as there’s a lot of very interesting planetary alignments going on, but our Sagittarius selves are not in the middle of it. We’re right next to it. It’s like that lottery ticket. It’s ever so close, but it’s not quite right — not yet. But it’s close. One digit off, either way, maybe a few numbers are transposed. What are you going to call it? Wad the week up and throw it away, and bemoan how the Fates have dealt you a sore hand? Or call it close, and do like I do, hop on down to the store, and buy another ticket? Link


Sagittarius: “Stop.” It’s the worst sign for a Sagittarius, I should know. But with the planets where they are? Think about the heavily romantic overtone. Think about where you are. Think about my old routine, typical Sagittarius routine, the bulk mail Valentine, “To the only girl I ever loved, or current resident.” It was funny, at one time. But like a lot of my humor, it’s all been overused and worn out. Mercury is flipping positions, from backwards to stalled out, to, eventually, forward. Moon gets really full. Some folks would suggest that our Sagittarius selves are full of something, too. Therein is the problem, and that’s why, if I had to pick a special sign for us, for this week? The red, octagonal sign. The stop sign. It really applies. Stop. Don’t make a bad situation worse, by continuing. Or, for that matter, don’t take a good situation and let it all go to heck by talking the goodness out of the deal. Stop. It’s simple. Link


Look it some time, but more Capricorns are comedians, more so than other signs. Who knew?


Capricorn: You know, if a Cappy didn’t have certain obstacles to face in life, then that Cappy just wouldn’t feel fulfilled. And that about sums up this week, and with all the dry weather, you are going to do a lot of worrying about firecrackers. Face it: some one had to worry about the munitions. That’s your job as we approach the weekend. Put on your little red fire fighting hat and go to it. Or, grab your rifle and find a fire fight. I can never remember just which one it is: fire fighting or fire fight. Link


Capricorn: Fishing lures, at least, most of the lures I purchase, come with a little set of instructions. Microscopic print, a few illustrations, an abbreviated catalog of similar wares by the manufacturer, and some instructions. One of the most curious of all their fine print is a little illustration about how to tie a (insert brand name here) knot with monofilament line. Don’t know. I’ve never successfully emulated the instructions. I’ve tried. I’ve practiced, but it never seems to go the way it’s supposed to. While I do wind up with a lure attached to some lightweight line, it never looks like the diagrams. Doesn’t mean it’s not right, I’ve only lost one fish because my knot weakened the line. The one that got away. Got the lure, too, and that cost me a whole three bucks. (bad words omitted) I tend to regard the instructions as a guideline instead of a hard and fast rule about the way it has to be done. I’d suggest the same for my fine Capricorn friends, over the next couple of days. Link


Capricorn: It’s been many years since I’ve done any kind of mechanical work. I lack current skills. I lack current tools, and I certainly lack a desire to work on greasy, motor things. However, as a leftover tool, one of the items I’ve long held onto was a BMW (motorcycle) tool kit screwdriver. Perhaps one of the most functional of all the multi-purpose tools I’ve ever seen, Leatherman, et al notwithstanding. The screwdriver is apparently German (West German) hardened rust-resistant steel, just a shank in plastic sleeve of a handle. Still one of the most useful screwdrivers I’ve ever used. It’s the right size, with a Phillips head on one end and a flat head on the other, and that good, German steel, with the tips, it’s a reversible-style, with each tip hardened. That Phillips head has opened and operated on several computer cases, a long way distant from its origins as a roadside emergency tool. Usually, one size does not fit all. Usually, one is not enough to cover everything. In this simple example, one is enough. Use that tool correctly, and it can fix anything. For a Capricorn, I hope the allusion is obvious. Link


Air sign, but everyone always goes, “Aquarius, it’s a water sign, right?” No, Sign of the water-bearer — not the same characteristic. Air. Intellectual.


Aquarius: It is time for you to start making plans for your summer. As a professional prognosticator, I can tell you that there will some rather unexpected turns in your wheel of Fortune, but which way that wheel turns, that is up to you. In other words, start making some big plans, but don’t be upset if the plans don’t come though. Personally, I would start looking for a new lake to fish in. You are about due for some new horizons, and that minnow pond on the back forty, it’s really not big enough for you any more. Link


Aquarius: You know that you’re going to feel like there is some kind of a cosmic joke going on here, something strange is afoot, some where, some place, some how, the universe, a deity, something is laughing about your timing this week. Venus moves into Aquarius, that’s the good news, but she doesn’t arrive until after the fateful day. So you’re going to be at loose ends until the middle of the week, and then, all of a sudden like, all of the emotional stuff which is associated with associated with the Day of Hearts finally kicks into high gear. The timing may feel all wrong because it doesn’t go according to the weekly Valentine’s Schedule, but it does wrap up rather well by the end of the week. Heard it here first, about the timing and all. It does work out, but best you be a little more careful on that one big day — don’t get your hopes up just yet. Link


Aquarius: I had this one girlfriend, fiancee really, and one of her methods of communication was throwing large, breakable objects like plates. Before you get upset, let me explain: she purposefully shopped at a thrift store for her ammunition. Smart girl. It’s not like she was tossing the good china at me. There’s something, according to her, imminently satisfying about the shattering of a plate or a glass. It gives a certain, visceral feeling that just can’t be beat. To be even more fair, she never got close to me. She didn’t want to damage me, just to make a point. Think about shopping for something disposable-like for this week. You’re bound to be hearing some shattering as the weekend progresses and turns into next week. Could be something like an illusion getting shattered, or it might be a little bit different — you might want to punctuate a certain point with an emphatic crash. To your benefit, this all works out rather well. I’m just hoping that your aim is as good as that former girlfriend. She could’ve hit me anytime she wanted to, she just didn’t want to make a mess of things. It also doesn’t mean that this next few days is going to be full of flying crockery, it could be a situation you’ve held onto, certain notions that are just not realistic. That makes a noise, too. Link


Mutable. Watery. Emotional. Fickle. And yet, there’s always a shrewd edge to the astrological fishes.


Pisces: “By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher,” Socrates said that. It sure feels like it applies this week, now doesn’t it? Tired of the same old message? Well how about turning all your attention to this romance and relationship stuff now. It’s okay, dear Pisces friend, you can go back to your dreaming now. The world is a better place just because you’re in it. Thanks! Link


Pisces: Skip the work issue right now. Sure, that’s a big deal, but just skip it. I know, I know, you feel like it is a big hassle and it’s something you should be attending to at this point, but it is the heat of the summer here in Texas and even if it’s not summer where you are, you still have certain planets in certain places, and I’m not going to name them but Venus and Jupiter are worthy of your considerations. Tear yourself away from work for a little while, and see about spending some of you attentions on romance. Either you are the romancer or you’re the romance, but in either case, why not take this as a little bit of a summer break from the work issue, and turn towards the romance thing. The trouble with work will always be there. There’s always another day when you can deal with it — I’ve found that work piles up whether or not it gets the attention it rightfully deserves so let’s both ignore it for a little while. Go with the romantic notion and suggestion for the time being. Get a break. Or take a break. Work will always be there next week. Link


Pisces: I have one placeholder in a digital device, and I call it, “Boneyard of Ideas.” It’s where great ideas go to die. It’s where great ideas are gently interred for time’s eternal passages. There is, as I hoped the name would suggest, the genesis of an idea, as a “boneyard” is more than grave, it’s a place where the naked skeletons — the flesh is stripped from the dead bones, and all that’s left is the mere outline. What used to be, and what may never be, just the structural outline. My “Boneyard of Ideas” is full of websites, website ideas, “There’s an app for that,” quotes, meandering and diverting thoughts, and so much more. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with a great idea. In meditation, a wonderful process presents itself, unbidden, and possibly, untenable. Some ideas can be resurrected from that boneyard, and new flesh can grow on the skeletal remains. Other times, I have some material that has lingered for decades, or so it seems. Why it might belong in a boneyard of ideas. “More like a bone-head of ideas,” at least one Pisces will smirk. Yeah, that, too. I am unsure of what your own, Pisces flavored “Boneyard of Ideas” looks like. I can’t get a clear picture of that. But I do know this is an excellent week to see what skeletons need to have flesh grown back on them. Old ideas, back from the dead. Link

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